Letter to my Middle School Bullies

Hello.

How are you.

I’m good, thank you for asking.

So, here we are. Four years later. Six, from when you started—decided—that it would be fun to tear down the spirits of a twelve year old. I wish six grade me could see me now. Happy. Relatively well liked. Accepted. She dreamed of this day. She hoped that it would happen but each day she walked into Ms. M classroom, she began to believe that it would never come.
She never understood why you treated her the way you did. Why you called her the names you called. What she did to make you… hate her so much. She started the first day in that school a happy-go-lucky child. A—dare I say—confident, chatty person. She was always a social person. She had to be, the constant moving forced her to. She never had trouble making friends. She never had enemies, until you decided to make one out of her.

When looking back at grade 6, all I can remember is sitting in the girl’s washroom, crying. Bearing my soul to the empty tiles of the bathroom floor in the form of sobs.

Staring at the cold mirror, trying to wash the redness out of my eyes so you wouldn’t know just how sad you made me. I think the worst thing was knowing that it wasn’t anything that I had done that made you treat me this way, it was simply who I was. Because I wasn’t pretty enough, cool enough, rich enough…THIN enough, I wasn’t deserving of your… kindness. I wanted to tell someone but I couldn’t because if I did, they would tell my parents and they would pull me out of the school. It was a private school and I knew how much they were struggling to give me the best possible education they could afford, I couldn’t break their hearts by telling them that it was hurting me. So instead, I let my own heart break instead. And crumble it did. Until there was nothing left in me. Until the will to live started to diminish. How bad would I be if I died really? My parents would be relieved the financial burden of raising me. You guys, you would be forced to say nice things about—as is what we do when speaking of the deceased. It would almost be poetic. Somehow, I carried on. I woke up every day and walked into Ms. M class, choked down my lunch in the washroom, rinsed my face and repeat.


Eventually it stopped—you stopped. I wish I could say it was because you matured, but the truth is, it was because you found a new target. I think the worst thing is slowly, I became like you. I was thirteen, scared of you turning back on me so I joined you, but that’s no excuse. It’s one of my biggest regrets. And to the girl we talked about—I’m sorry, I truly am. Even then when you all claimed to be my friend, I knew you weren’t being completely honest. I still heard the unkind nicknames, the mean rumours, snark giggles. The only difference now was that these were done in whispers.


 It hurt more.

It hurt more because this time you were supposed to be my friends, but every time I turned my back to walk away, I saw your knives in my peripheral vision.
Now years have passed and I have moved on. The memories still remain, they always will. They have become a part of who I am and my story. And as I sit this cold February evening, now “officially” and adult, vulnerable, I have just one thing to tell you all:

I forgive you.
Sincerely,
Natalie Stravens
Song of the post: Mean by Taylor Swift

Quote of the Post: Sometimes bullies are your friends and very rarely do bullying prevention tips acknowledge this fact or what to do about it. -Rosalind Wiseman

Long overdue

Follow my blog with Bloglovin




So the other day I realized, “hey, I have a blog and anyone who reads it doesn’t really know anything about me. So I decided to do the 21 questions blog tag. Kinda like speed dating over the internet.
1. Are you named after anyone? My second middle name is Daisy after my late paternal grandmother. She was cool, made me tons of food and sewed me these (actually cute) dresses. I used to stay up late and watch Filipino soap operas with her when she stayed with us for a couple months. She died last year.
2. When was the last time you cried? Last weekend when I was talking to my Haiti family (people I went on a mission trip with)
 3. Do you have kids? Nope, I’m 18
4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? Probably. I think I make a pretty good friend
 5. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Do you know me? Sarcasm is like my favourite form of speaking.
 6. Will you ever bungee-jump? In a heartbeat! I want to do all those extreme, once in a lifetime things. Bucket listed! DONE!
7. What’s your favorite cereal? Granola
8. What’s the first thing you notice about people? The way they walk, and if they are smiling. I’m weird, I know.  
9. What is your eye colour? Black, but sometimes Brown in the sun
10. Scary movie or happy endings? Happy endings just because I’m not all that in to scary movies. Not because they’re scary, but because they’re all basically the same story. Happy endings can be applied to more genres.
11. Favorite smells? Vanilla, Bath and Body’s Pink Chiffon and some Yves Roches floral one, I can’t remember.
12. Summer or winter? Summer. You can do more things.
13. Computer or television? Computer, always. Spend most of my time on it
14. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Depends on your perspective. Right now I live in Canada, which is far from where I was born—Kenya—but relative to where I currently stay and me visiting somewhere else, maybe when I went to Haiti
15. Do you have any special talents? Special? Talents? Ha! Umm… Breathing?
16. Where were you born? Kisumu, Kenya
17. What are your hobbies? Writing, Reading, Computering (by which I mean the internet :P), singing, teasing, (I’m not all that interesting people, uhh… I used to swim?)
18. Do you have any pets? A pet hamster named Bella. And fish but I consider them more accessories than pets
19. Favorite movie? RomCom: Penelope and my Girlfriend’s Boyfriend, Old Hollywood: Charly, Action: Thor 2, Comedy: Rush Hour 3.
20. Do you have any siblings? A 10 year old sister called Eva
 21. What do you want to be when you grow up? Inspirational.
Well That’s it. I’m honestly not all that interesting. I tag http://beautifulapostale.wordpress.com/and http://perrfectimperrfections.blogspot.com/
Too lazy to come up with a quote and song so goodnight people!

Impersonating the Love Guru

How many times do you hear a guy rant about how “all girls” are shallow and don’t care about honesty, trampling all over their hearts. Then the same time here girls talk about how “all guys” act the exact same way. Honestly, I’m sick of it. I feel like the generalization of people dehumanizes them and is just plain immature.

I guess the major root of all this is the bitterness cause by failed relationships (or almost relationships) that seems to completely shape people’s paradigm of the opposite sex. Well, maybe that’s valid… to some degree. However, there are a few generalizations made about guys and girls that have always gotten on my nerves. Here is a few:
All girls friendzone the “good guys”. Ok, there are three problems with this. First of all, most guys who I have heard complain about being ‘friendzoned’ have never bothered to even ASK the girl out. Okay, you cannot complain about that if you don’t even have the guts to be assertive enough and ASK! She is not a mind reader.

 There’s a reason I never root for the best friend in books. You’ve known this girl for years, why suddenly when she’s into someone else you decide to tell her you love her. Like can you not?

Secondly, the other hand is the guys who do ask and the girl tells them she just sees them as a friend and they get mad. She is entitled to her own emotions and you can’t FORCE her to like you back. Some even just say yes out of pity but when there’s nothing there, there’s nothing there. The fact that you complain about that is very selfish and makes me question your ‘nice guy-ness”. This is also connected to the other myth nice guys finish last which isn’t true. Maybe the reason it’s not working with this person because they aren’t the person for you. You “finish last” because the “one” or whatever is the LAST person you decide to pursue and it’s magic.
The last thing wrong with this is girls are friendzoned just as much as guys… just saying.
All guys are jerks/ all girls are shallow. No, they are not. There are really nice people in the world. Yes there are some but if you just step out of your exclusive bubble and got to know new people, you would find them. Make friends with new people. Honestly, some of the best relationships come out of friendships because you’ve already established that sense of trust and not just liking someone based on their outside appearance. My teacher once talked about how stupid first dates are because people come all dolled up, acting like someone they are not and by the time you find out who they are, they are someone completely different. Also, a lot of people who think other people are shallow or jerks liked/dated those people in the first place based on their looks. If it was truly about whom they were, why are you complaining about it later. You’re just as shallow as they are.
Girls and Guys can’t be good friends without falling for each other. This sounds slightly contradictory to my previous point but it’s not, girls and guys CAN be just friends. Yes, some friendships bloom into more, but if every friendship bloomed then there would be no more friends and everyone would be in polygamous relationships. Your significant other should be your best friend, that doesn’t mean your friend will be your significant other. We live in the 21st century and let’s move on from that.  
Cheating. This isn’t so much a myth as it is a problem with relationships. Frankly, I don’t get it. Why do people cheat? Like I understand you finding someone else—which means you didn’t truly love the first person—but I don’t understand why you have to reel that person along while you hang out with others. If you’re over someone, move on. Why hurt them even more by cheating. I would rather be dumped for someone else than cheated on but stayed with. Also, the “other woman (or man)” baffles me. Why would you want a person who cheats. If they cheated on the previous person, they will with you. The whole affair confuses me. (LOL, get it, affair? :D)
Long Distance Relationships don’t work. I honestly can’t speak in certainty about this subject. I haven’t been in one that works but I know of some that have. My conclusion, some do work. It’s possible but it depends on the people. You know yourself. You know whether or not you can handle it.
Love at first sight. Ok, Disney ruined love—though they did finally get it right in Frozen. You cannot love someone by simply seeing them. You can be infatuated with them and then grow into love but not at that moment you met them. If you say you did, you’re a superficial person because honestly, the only thing you have to go on them is their looks.
Opposites Attract. This is both true and false. Yes, people can be attracted to people different from them, out of curiosity and what not. However, you have to have some stuff in common for a relationship to work. It’s just simple logic. However, two people are supposed to complement each other so the differences you DO have should work in harmony with each other.
Happy couples don’t fight. LOL! That’s the biggest lie. If you never fight, that’s actually a sign that something is wrong. Disagreements—when worked out—make a relationship stronger. Whether it’s a romantic one, family one, friendship, etc. People have varying opinions and they clash sometimes, it’s how you deal with it that matters.
Love is butterflies in my stomach. I literally wrote a whole post on this.here

So I guess that’s it. I didn’t mean to turn into a love guru or anything, I’m just tired of all the stupid, failed high school stuff and all.

Anyway, Valentine’s is soon so I guess it sorta fits, but my final thought is not rush relationships. I know you’ve heard it a million times but it’s true, when it’s right and it’s time, it will happen. (and that time is not when you’re 12)







Song of the post: Dear No One by Tory Kelly 













Quote of the Post: Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. -Bruce Lee