I go to church every Sunday, yes fall asleep sometimes but doesn’t everyone? Plus, at least I show up! I think I’m better that everyone. I mean, we preach the whole we’re all sinners thing, but I’m not all that bad. Like Hitler is obviously worse than me. I’ve sinned a couple times, a white lie here or there at all that, but nothing bad.
I love judging people. I mean all you gay, pro choice democrats are all going to hell, and that’s the honest truth. I will take every opportunity to tell you that because I’m up here and you’re down there. I’m very religious. As I mentioned already, I’m always at church. I have this big, beautiful KJV (because you know Jesus talked in Thou and Thy) Bible that I carry there every Sunday. During the week, it sits on my mantle for all the world to see. Speaking of during the week, I spend most of my days acting normal. I don’t draw too much attention to myself, I would hate for people to think I’m weird. I just do my own thing. God helps those who help themselves you know, which is why I don’t waste my time with homeless people and stuff. They’re probably gonna buy drugs with the money anyway
. So there you have it. I’m such a great person who’s going to heaven, a place I don’t really believe in but you know, got to cover all my bases.
That’s what being a Christian is about.