Impersonating the Love Guru

How many times do you hear a guy rant about how “all girls” are shallow and don’t care about honesty, trampling all over their hearts. Then the same time here girls talk about how “all guys” act the exact same way. Honestly, I’m sick of it. I feel like the generalization of people dehumanizes them and is just plain immature.

I guess the major root of all this is the bitterness cause by failed relationships (or almost relationships) that seems to completely shape people’s paradigm of the opposite sex. Well, maybe that’s valid… to some degree. However, there are a few generalizations made about guys and girls that have always gotten on my nerves. Here is a few:
All girls friendzone the “good guys”. Ok, there are three problems with this. First of all, most guys who I have heard complain about being ‘friendzoned’ have never bothered to even ASK the girl out. Okay, you cannot complain about that if you don’t even have the guts to be assertive enough and ASK! She is not a mind reader.

 There’s a reason I never root for the best friend in books. You’ve known this girl for years, why suddenly when she’s into someone else you decide to tell her you love her. Like can you not?

Secondly, the other hand is the guys who do ask and the girl tells them she just sees them as a friend and they get mad. She is entitled to her own emotions and you can’t FORCE her to like you back. Some even just say yes out of pity but when there’s nothing there, there’s nothing there. The fact that you complain about that is very selfish and makes me question your ‘nice guy-ness”. This is also connected to the other myth nice guys finish last which isn’t true. Maybe the reason it’s not working with this person because they aren’t the person for you. You “finish last” because the “one” or whatever is the LAST person you decide to pursue and it’s magic.
The last thing wrong with this is girls are friendzoned just as much as guys… just saying.
All guys are jerks/ all girls are shallow. No, they are not. There are really nice people in the world. Yes there are some but if you just step out of your exclusive bubble and got to know new people, you would find them. Make friends with new people. Honestly, some of the best relationships come out of friendships because you’ve already established that sense of trust and not just liking someone based on their outside appearance. My teacher once talked about how stupid first dates are because people come all dolled up, acting like someone they are not and by the time you find out who they are, they are someone completely different. Also, a lot of people who think other people are shallow or jerks liked/dated those people in the first place based on their looks. If it was truly about whom they were, why are you complaining about it later. You’re just as shallow as they are.
Girls and Guys can’t be good friends without falling for each other. This sounds slightly contradictory to my previous point but it’s not, girls and guys CAN be just friends. Yes, some friendships bloom into more, but if every friendship bloomed then there would be no more friends and everyone would be in polygamous relationships. Your significant other should be your best friend, that doesn’t mean your friend will be your significant other. We live in the 21st century and let’s move on from that.  
Cheating. This isn’t so much a myth as it is a problem with relationships. Frankly, I don’t get it. Why do people cheat? Like I understand you finding someone else—which means you didn’t truly love the first person—but I don’t understand why you have to reel that person along while you hang out with others. If you’re over someone, move on. Why hurt them even more by cheating. I would rather be dumped for someone else than cheated on but stayed with. Also, the “other woman (or man)” baffles me. Why would you want a person who cheats. If they cheated on the previous person, they will with you. The whole affair confuses me. (LOL, get it, affair? :D)
Long Distance Relationships don’t work. I honestly can’t speak in certainty about this subject. I haven’t been in one that works but I know of some that have. My conclusion, some do work. It’s possible but it depends on the people. You know yourself. You know whether or not you can handle it.
Love at first sight. Ok, Disney ruined love—though they did finally get it right in Frozen. You cannot love someone by simply seeing them. You can be infatuated with them and then grow into love but not at that moment you met them. If you say you did, you’re a superficial person because honestly, the only thing you have to go on them is their looks.
Opposites Attract. This is both true and false. Yes, people can be attracted to people different from them, out of curiosity and what not. However, you have to have some stuff in common for a relationship to work. It’s just simple logic. However, two people are supposed to complement each other so the differences you DO have should work in harmony with each other.
Happy couples don’t fight. LOL! That’s the biggest lie. If you never fight, that’s actually a sign that something is wrong. Disagreements—when worked out—make a relationship stronger. Whether it’s a romantic one, family one, friendship, etc. People have varying opinions and they clash sometimes, it’s how you deal with it that matters.
Love is butterflies in my stomach. I literally wrote a whole post on this.here

So I guess that’s it. I didn’t mean to turn into a love guru or anything, I’m just tired of all the stupid, failed high school stuff and all.

Anyway, Valentine’s is soon so I guess it sorta fits, but my final thought is not rush relationships. I know you’ve heard it a million times but it’s true, when it’s right and it’s time, it will happen. (and that time is not when you’re 12)







Song of the post: Dear No One by Tory Kelly 













Quote of the Post: Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. -Bruce Lee

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Happiness for Sale

What does it mean to be happy?
Is it smiling and laughing all the time?
Is it having dozens of friends?
Is it owning hundreds of things?
Everyone’s always saying, “money can’t buy happiness,” so why do all the pictures of rich people have smiles and the ones of poor kids in Africa have tears?
I don’t want to be happy.
That’s a weird statement, probably one you wouldn’t expect me to say, but here it is –I don’t want to be happy. Why? Well, let me just clarify what I mean by being happy:
Happiness is an emotion –temporary
Happiness is a series of chemical reactions in your brain –temporary
Happiness can be changed easily by circumstances –temporary
Happiness is temporary
Do you see where I’m going with this? Every day, we are bombarded with images of happiness and products that can give us that so called euphoria –but they don’t work. Sure, getting a new pair of shoes can make me happy for a while, then I have an argument with my dad and then suddenly –it’s gone.
What do things have to be with being happy anyways? I live in a place where we’re all supposed to be happy because we have everything, as far as food and things go; yet in North America, the third leading cause of death in teens is suicide. That’s a crazy statistic. If we have so much, then why are we all so sad?
I, personally, have had the opportunity to see the ‘other side of the world’ many times, and the picture I get there is completely different. Yes, there’s poverty and all that. People have next to nothing –but they are some of the happiest people I have ever met. I would meet a kid who doesn’t even own a pair of pants yet still shows off his toothy grin in a smile every time I saw him. How is that contrast even possible? It doesn’t make any sense.
Going back to my original statement, “I don’t want to be happy.” I neglected to say the second part, “I want to find joy.” Now you may be thinking, “What’s the difference? It’s simple really:
Happiness is temporary, joy is permanent.
Happiness is an emotion, joy is a lifestyle
How do you even achieve joy? Well, I’ve found that the first way is by choosing to be happy, despite the bad days, sad days and mad days –that came out way cheesier than I intended. Joy is choosing to be content. Now I must clarify, contentment is not complacency. Being complacent is choosing to be a doormat and not doing anything to change that, just accepting your fate in an almost bitter nature. Being content is knowing your circumstance and accepting it, while still allowing a possibility to grow.
The next step on the ‘road to joy’ is the elimination of self on the brain. When one is depressed, sad, etc, it’s often due to them concentrating on themselves and their problems and flaws. Have you ever done that thing where you sit by yourself, alone in your room and contemplate your existence?  Next thing you know, you’re rocking on the floor in fetal position, crying in despair. I feel that when we get out of that habit on thing of ourselves and focus more on others, that feeling despair goes. I don’t know about you, but I’m usually happiest when I’m helping others. Volunteering could possibly be the best form of therapy. This is not to say that it’s easy. I would be lying if I told you that you could switch on a button and be content and generous and happy. It’s a process, but it’s one you have to force yourself to start.
Anyway, this went on a lot longer than I wanted it to go –again. I should probably apologize for taking long to update as well, life’s been getting in the way. I’ll just leave you with my new found philosophy:

I don’t want to be happy, I want to find joy.
Natz
Song of the Post:  All Star By Smash Mouth

Quote of the Post: “Be content because that makes you automatically awesome.” –Quote developed by my friend, Miriam R., and I

Soul Searching Encounter

Hello people of the internet. So, I know it’s been a while since my last update, mainly because I’m a major procrastinator. In this post, I’m going to do something a little bit different. In my Writer’s Craft class, we have this exercise where we get a couple minutes of free writing in which my teacher gives us a topic and we write whatever comes to mind. Unfiltered thoughts and expression. I’d like to share with you my latest one which turned out a lot better than I expected. It was one of those bursts of inspiration that couldn’t stop flowing. So here it is- keep in mind this is unedited and uncensored (there is no inappropriateness, just my thoughts are kind of all over the place)

The topic was “A chance encounter which changes a person’s life”

Have you ever walked in a crowd and still felt so alone? Even when you’re with your friends, you sometimes feel isolated. Have you ever considered though, “maybe it’s my own fault? Maybe the only reason I feel lonely is because I’m not opening up to people”
Opening up to people is hard though, when you know them- when you value their friendship. Maybe they will think you’re weird, maybe you’ll lose that relationship. Sometimes, the best way to open up and get all that’s bothering you off your chest is by talking about it to a stranger. With this, you have nothing to lose, so why not?

So you go, into the world looking for a onetime confidante. A friendship only meant to last a moment. You find yourself in a park on the other side of town; one you have never visited. There is a solitary bench under an oak tree already changing colours for fall. You sit.

Another person sits next to you. You don’t look up to see who it is. You don’t even know if it is a man or woman. You start to speak. “Can I talk to you” you say, “just about what’s going on with me right now?”

The person doesn’t speak, but makes no move so you take that as an approval.

You begin to tell your story. Where you were born, your family-whom you feel are weird, your beliefs –that you’re unsure of, your plans for the future-which scare you. You confide with this stranger about your problems and your fears, your dreams and your interest, even your secrets that only you know. You even tell them what you had for breakfast this morning.

You tell them the story of you.

All through it, not a word is spoken by this unknown individual. No reaction is made, whether positive or negative. They simply listen. They simply accept.

You, comfortable in this atmosphere of accepting facts as they are, have a chance to stop on contemplate the last few moments. You’ve never had a chance to really lay yourself right out there. By telling this stranger about you, you’ve also explained part of you to yourself. For the first time, you feel like you can understand yourself just a little bit more.

You inhale, taking a deep breath as your eyes close instinctively. You feel a strange sense of peace, as if a burden has been lifted off you. You realize one has, for the first time, you were completely honest with yourself. 

You exhale.

You tell the stranger thank you. You and the hidden person get up and head in opposite directions. Your paths never intertwine again.

You are content with this fact.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So that’s it. I honestly don’t know what to make about this journal yet for some weird reason, I felt it was something worth sharing.

Song of the Post: Somewhere Only We Know by Keane
Quote of the Post: “We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.” -Fyodor Dostoevsky

The Other Kind of Bad Person

I think I truly have lost hope for humanity. 

Yesterday was a perfect example of this. There’s this girl in my school, she a sweet girl but admittedly, a little (ok, quite) weird and can get pretty annoying at times. She always comes up to me and says “hi, how are you” and I usually just say “hi” back, because, that’s what you do- You are nice to people, even when they make you uncomfortable. Continuing with the story of yesterday, she came up to me as I was getting stuff out of my locker and greeted me. We talked for a bit then  I started to walk off while she went and said hi to another boy who was passing us. She tapped his shoulder to gain his attention and how did he react? He exclaimed, “Ew, get away from me,” and ran off. The girl, she maintained her smile and walked away before I could do anything. I can honestly say I admire her though, for keeping her chin up despite everything. The boy? He walked off to his friend and told her what had happened. His exact words were “(girl’s name) just touched me.” I expected the friend to be like, “So, what’s the big deal?” or something along those lines, but she replied, “That’s disgusting, you should put hand sanitizer on that or something.” I was disgusted at their behavior. Yes, I acknowledge the girl makes many people uncomfortable, but that doesn’t make her any less of a human. She is a human being! 

I was so outraged then I realized- I did nothing about it. All I did was tell my friends what happened and we all gasped at the inhumane actions of the people but what good is that? It’s like that scene in Mean Girls when Janis says  “There are two kinds of evil people in this world. Those who do evil stuff and those who see evil stuff being done and don’t try to stop it.”Well, she right (technically the screenwriter who wrote Mean Girls is right but you know what I mean). What good is complaining about how awful our world, our society, and do nothing about it. I tried making excuses for myself to why I didn’t do anything like “She had already left” “I don’t even know those kids” “I had to go, my friend’s were waiting for me” but they are just that, excuses, each one more stupid than the rest. I’ve realized, I was no better than they were.

We all watched those cheesy anti-bulling videos that were probably done in the eighties where there’s the victim, the bully and the bystander. They are usually so boring and terribly done that we all tune it out, but there is some truth to it. I’ve come to believe that the person who holds the most power in these scenarios is the bystander. It’s not the victim, for obvious reasons, and while it may seem like it’s the bully, it’s not. Chances are, the bully’s just another child who’s hurting. The bystander is the one who can turn the situation in two directions, do nothing and let the cycle continue or try and change things. Even if you don’t change the bully’s mind, by simply standing up for them, you’ve already impacted the victim’s life.

I didn’t intend for this post to be an anti-bullying rant. Actually, I was planning for it to be a whole thing about pop culture and why stupid thing get popular, etc. Somehow this happened instead and I think that it did for a reason. Maybe you’re reading this and tomorrow, you’ll have the opportunity to be the bystander and make a difference (ok, I’m sorry for this cliché). As for me? I’m gonna have a talk with a certain two people in my school tomorrow, lucky for me, their locker’s are near mine. 😉 

Song of the Post: Hero by Superchick
Quote[s] of the Post: (all by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.)
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is ‘What are you doing for others?’”


 “In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

Introduction to Confusion

As a teenager living in a post modern society, one thing you are never lacking in is opinions. Everybody is ready to give you their view and ‘knowledge’ on that topic that they’ve only read a tweet about and obviously are now experts on. As I start my last year of high school, this misguided advice has only grown exponentially which has done everything but help me. I, like many seniors, have been struggling with anxiety over my future this last few weeks and I’ve only been back in school for two! This uneasiness and confusion is only fueled by the constant thoughts of the adults with good intentions but cliche and unhelpful advice. How have I been coping with this constant state of internal turmoil? By taking it one day at a time-distracting myself with everyday tasks and chores- which incidentally, is yet another cliche. A cliche that works so I think it should, at least, be given some credit.
On the topic of distractions, a subject that has been on captivating my mind recently is love. I attend a public Catholic high school in Ontario (Which is basically public school with a mandatory religion class each year). In my religion class, we’ve been studying ethics and, more specifically, love and it’s relation to us as human beings. Love has always been something that has bothered me; mostly because of its inaccurate and skewed portrayal in media and our society in general. Love is that gooey feeling you feel for that cute guy you’ve known for a month according to most romantic comedies. You can’t help it, it just happens. 
It’s not. 
First of all, let me establish that the previous definition of love is in fact one of infatuation or -dare I say- simply lust. Love is something so much more. Love is not just a emotion because emotions are just chemicals in our brain reacting in different ways-purely physical. Love involves both the human body and spirit. It is a choice. A choice to put your own feelings, comforts, and self behind someone else (be that a significant other, child, or friend). The complete surrendering of self. That is why the whole ‘love at first sight’ is a load of baloney. Yes, I acknowledge those couples who say they just ‘knew’ when they first met but from a more objective standpoint, I believe that sure, they might have liked each other (infatuation) at first sight but love… that grew in later. The best words I can use to summarize this is a quote from Deus Caritas Est by Pope Benedict XVI which says :

“Love is indeed ‘ecstasy’, not in the sense of a moment of intoxication, but rather as a journey, an ongoing exodus out of the closed inward-looking self towards its liberation self-giving…”

Love is selfless, so selfless in fact that true love only wishes for the happiness of the other, even when that love is not reciprocated. I believe this is one of the reasons for the increase in divorces in the last couple of decades. People are so consumed with the gooey feeling stage of a relationship, they don’t ever develop the true selfless love stage and when things take a turn for the worse, they are ill-equipped to cope. This is also why love is one of the most overused and misused words of today. This is also why there are so many Taylor Swift songs (sorry, I had to).  I know what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking I’m just a kid (17 years old if you were wondering) what do I know about love. I will not claim to be an expert or even to have experienced it (maybe once I came close but that’s a story for another day). However, don’t they say truth comes ‘from the mouths of babes’ or something along those lines. All I ask is that you take what I’ve written into consideration.

This post took a more philosophical turn than I expected and I should mention that not every post will be like this. I plan for this blog to be almost a journal of my thoughts and current state of mind which sometimes may be something  light or something with more substance. 
That is all for now, thank you for reading
Natalie 
Song of the Post: Man Who Won’t Be Moved by The Script
Quote of the Post: (Another one from Deus Caritas Est) “It is part of love’s growth towards higher levels and inward purification that it now seeks to become definitive, and it does so in a twofold sense: both in the sense of exclusivity… and in the sense of being ‘forever'”